College Party Deepthroat Anal

We cannot as humans be designed to know more than literally 4 people on a personal level. I wish I could clone myself and we could laugh at the same shit all day and then go to bed (we sleep in the same bed but only so we can face back to back so we have full coverage from monsters). It's so interesting right now to feel both like I like who I am a lot and I am severely depressed. I want to go do things and I have just like no more energy to talk to other people which is so fucked because I love other people but knowing people is so much work. I told my ex girlfriend on one of our first dates that I didn't have many friends and she was like I can tell bc you're really charismatic but also kind of a loser which was funny but now feeling too accurate. 

But like I'm making friends (like I can name them I swear to god you just don't know them) and it feels like so much work even though I am only maintaining those friendships by inviting them to my apartment to drink or smoke. And I mean no shit I guess cause obviously I'm depressed as fuck rn. I just wish I had the mental energy and emotional capacity I used to because I don't hate myself enough to be this depressed!!! Things happened to me like fuck that what the hell. Things should never happen again. My ass is too fat and my hair is too cool for bad things to happen to me I should have plot armor. 

Sometimes I just talk like no one else fucking exists. I learned a girl in my class escaped a cult very recently. Bad things happen to other people too and I hate it. They don't deserve it. But also right now it's very hard to be faced with scenarios that in my mind minimize something very large I experienced and somehow other people suffering at the same time I am elicits that which is evil but I am just a person and I'm trying so hard. I'm tired of having emotions. That's not the truth I keep asking my psychiatrist to lower my lexapro because I'm on 1.5x the daily recommended amount and I don't feel bad or good anymore just fear and vanity and a little anger sometimes. I'm gonna read the fuck out of Britney's memoir on release day.



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