Yodie Found Family

 Y'all I truly hate to say this but unfortunately it gets better. That is an unironic statement and I know my mentally ill bad bitches know it too. In the two hours between the panel's deliberation for the first hearing (INSANE fucking qualifier!!) Dr. Miller let me have a personal conversation with him, I assume because he could tell I needed it after how dehumanizing the hearing had been, which was quite very literally the only good thing to come of that entire experience. I told him about the good stuff in my life and how it did not cancel out the pain, and he told me canceling it out isn't the point and in my head I was like I was like fuck off!!!!! cause he was fucking right.

Because I'm just supposed to do what?? Fucking integrate it into my life and learn how to live in such a way that I can honor my experiences while not letting them own me? Fuck you. 

I have a sweet chiller 10-year-old kitty named Noreen (Miss Noreen to you) and write in my diary and do my laundry and sleep with dykes and make friends and ghost those friends and learned that there are so many ways to love and if you do it right the universe will give it back to you and if you do it wrong the universe will give that back too. 

I have the best job ever. Ever! under Dr. Deana McDonagh who is queen of the bad bitches. Who sued the university for gender-based wage discrimination and won back pay and a raise. Who went out of her way to create a team of only female students for her research and calls us "busy working women." Who shows me why I'm so excited to grow up.

And really fuck all that stuff for making life worth living. Really for making me want to move on. Cause I have the perfect reason to become an adult bum or addicted to something other than weed or dead, which would all be so easy, and I am always so acutely aware of how easy they are, but just barely less satisfying than trying to lead a happy life. If I stopped posting on here would you guys assume I found everlasting happiness or killed myself?


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